Sustenance

Philippians 3:7-10
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—  that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.


Have you ever had one of those mornings when you got dressed and thought, "Bedtime can't come soon enough today!" Or on those weary days waves of emotion rise that cause you to think," I can't do this anymore."

I have these moments. They seem to be coming more frequently. When they occur two words merge in my mind:

chronic-persisting for a long time or constantly recurring; long-lasting and difficult to eradicate 

sustenance-food and drink regarded as a source of strength; nourishment: the maintaining of someone or something in life or existence. 

Sometimes when  thoughts get jumbled and emotions get carried away the nagging of chronic trumps the significance of sustenance. Why?  Is it the chronic pain? Is it the fatigue from the constant burning feeling of numbness and tingling? Is it spastic intercostal muscles that won't allow the rib cage to expand properly causing  hypoxic dizziness and panic? Something other than Christ has captivated me. I have begun to focus on my external circumstances. No longer is the gospel intersecting my heart, changing me and rearranging me. I have let the battle over take me forgetting that the war has been won. Christ is the victor. He is the sustenance that trumps the chronic.

Dear reading friend, as I ponder chronic and sustenance I find my thoughts migrating toward a far more serious chronic condition than physical disease - the spiritual disease of unbelief! The billowing waves of unbelief cause a chronic and very serious heart condition that gets deeply entwined in sin. Do I trust that the God of the universe is completely in control of my circumstance? Have I lost sight of the fact that He has custom designed my life and circumstances as a means to draw me closer to Him? Would I rather be gripped by the chronic or feast at the banquet table of sustenance?

I need to repent, reorient, and rearrange my thinking toward the precious beauty and purpose of redemption. I need to drink deeply from the well of living water. I need to feast on the rich truths of God's Word. And when I do, I find chronic sustenance that gives sufficient satisfaction in knowing "How Sweet The Name of Jesus Sounds." Rest and peace!

Meet My Friends Saidy and Rob

I love to hear individual stories of how God's mercy triumphs over misery. Rob and Saidy showed up in our lives a year ago. They are an eager, young couple passionate about there faith and service to the Lord. Their journey through affliction has been an encouragement to me as I watch them put their faith, hope and trust in our heavenly Father who has given them a precious gift, salvation, hope and eternity. Continue reading and you will be blessed!

 Seeing Suffering as a blessing?

I have been reflecting on the Lord's blessings over Rob's and my marriage over the past year as we approach our 1 year anniversary. I couldn't help but share my thoughts on a particular blessing...

"What if Your healing comes through tears?
 What if a thousand sleepless nights
 are what it takes to know You’re near
? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

Those words became so real to me when I first heard them on the radio. I was driving home from dropping Rob off at work. Rob wasn't able to drive at the time. His doctor recommended he didn't. Not for 9 months...our first 9 months of marriage actually. I kept asking myself, why?

I didn't think this was the way a marriage was supposed to start, it wasn't the way I had dreamed it to be.

My dreams about marriage didn't include sleepless nights, tears, constantly crying out to God for healing, for strength, crying out to him in anger because I couldn't feel him near...that's not what I had imagined.

It wasn't what I had planned.

God taught me during that, that my fantasy or dream wasn't the Lord's reality for my life. He instead wanted to refine my faith, strengthen it, and unite Rob and I right from the start. Rob and I had a long distance relationship the whole time up until we finally got married. God's plan was perfect. Mercies in disguise. It was the "revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy"...."BLESSINGS" was the song that kept taking me back to God's Word during that time. (see lyrics by Laura Story, and song below)

Rob was diagnosed with partial complex seizures a few months before we were married. These came as a consequence of having had two long seizures when he was a baby. The seizures beat a path through his hippocampus, and the seizures found their way back when Rob went through some intense stress in college. (We didn't come to this diagnosis easy, we searched high and low for a neurologist that would be able to diagnose Rob, and it was only by the Lord's leading that we came across the doctor that we did. I would also like to thank our friend Mert who has MS and helped steer us in the right direction. It is no coincidence that they are our friends (check out her blog: Connecting the Dots). The goal after that was to find medication that would suppress them.

It was such a painful journey for me, ( I can only begin to imagine how painful it was for Rob). All I could do while he was having a seizure was hold his hand as his face would turn white and his lips purple, he wasn't able to talk or know what was going on, and then he'd sleep. He would need to sleep for about 30 minutes after each seizure. I would hurt to hear how bad he felt that he couldn't drive, that he couldn't perform his job as well as he could if he didn't always have these seizures. I couldn't help him. Only God could. The seizures were unpredictable. Here is a glimpse into one of my desperate cries to the Lord as I prayed Psalm 17, 18 and 22 one sleepless night:

"Lord you are my rock, my refuge, my shield. Oh hear my cry! For you are the Doctor, the King of kings. I trust in you, I trust your sovereignty. Oh Lord hear my cry! Listen to the hurt in my heart, to my fears and insecurities. I pray you bring healing to Rob. Help us in finding what's wrong, and help us find a way to stop the seizures. Hold him in the shadow of your wings. Help us understand these seizures and why he's having them. Give ear to my prayer oh my God, my almighty Savior! I hurt inside for my beloved everytime there is one. He wants to provide, he wants to serve you. I pray you bring healing upon him." (taken from my prayer journal, August 10 2011).

I wanted so bad to be able to help him. God taught me the meaning of "pray without ceasing" (1 Thes 5:17) early on in our marriage. To pray for my husband, not just for physical things, but also for spiritual things. God showed me that I needed to strengthen my faith, because I doubted His goodness (Psalm 31:19), His love (Psalm 63:3), and His sovereignty (Dan 4:35). God taught me that I gain nothing with worrying or being anxious. He taught me this through many sleepless nights, through many "raindrops", through so many tears, through so many angry and desperate prayers, through many "mercies in disguise". And He continues to teach me today in different ways, because I tend to forget.

This was also a time of blessing for our marriage. Since Rob couldn't drive, I drove him anywhere and everywhere. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time together. God really used that time to unite us, being that we had spent most of our courtship and engagement cross-country.

Praise God, He has controlled Rob's seizures and has suppressed them with medication for about 6 months now. He is now driving, yet we go almost everywhere we can together still. We got so used to that. Yes, I'm thankful Rob's seizures are suppressed, I am also thankful though for that trial we went through because I can now look back and see clearly what I learned while going through that.  We are so thankful to see God's goodness, love, and nearness. We still hang on by our prayers. I pray everyday that Rob won't have a seizure. I pray everyday that God would use my husband and the testimony He has built into our lives of God's goodness. If I could start my marriage over again from day one, I wouldn't change a thing. I needed that. God knew I did. .... And this is how we see this suffering as a true blessing, a blessing in disguise.

Parched

This has been a summer of drought. Unlike anything I have seen in recent years. Even the  media is reporting it as severe to extreme. The heat has been record breaking. Storm clouds form. Rain is predicted, but the clouds pass overhead with a few drops and are gone.

The hopeful dreams of spring planting have turned into gnarly brown crops and deep, craggy cracks in the soil that are beginning to look as deep as the Grand Canyon. Loss!


We all have them, but we don't often admit we do. Spiritual droughts, parching our heart, come in and out of season just like the drought we are experiencing this summer.

We are weary with the dryness and heat. Strength starts to wane. Despite our best efforts, our eyes begin to dry, faith gets old, our hearts are hard, and our prayers grow cold. Why? I am a Christian. I shouldn't feel this way. Is this what the Chrisitan life is all about? Highs and lows?  Feeling parched? Where are the roses? What happened to the "joy of the Lord is my strength." Cracked and brown! Drought! I am!

Dear reading friend,  I would be lying to you if I said, "I never have times of spiritual drought when my eyes are dry, my faith is old, my heart is hard, and my prayers grow cold." Do I, often, feel weary? You bet I do! Do I wander in circles in the spiritual desert of my soul? You bet, I do! Am I highly vulnerable when the going gets tough? Absolutely! Why?

Answer:
I have forgotten who I belong to. I have forgotten my spiritual identity. I am a child of the King! Why would I want to live like a spiritual pauper allowing every wind and wave to overtake me?  I have the glorious riches of Christ lavished on me by the grace and mercy of God (Ephesians 2:4-10). I am known by Him and found in Him (Ephesians 1:1-14). Every detail of my life has already been sifted through the loving fingers of God.

I need to remember! Every tug and trial that comes my way is a precious gift from God that draws me to HIM, and is perfectly designed by the one who knows my greatest need. Oh, to be found in Him and to rest in Him! Streams of living water flow through a parched heart making it supple!

The book of James reminds me to:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,  for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing... Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:2-4,12.

Connect that thought to this one:
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5.

Conclude that thought with this one: 
Have you not known? Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
     his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
    and to him who has no might he increases strength^.
 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
    and young men shall fall exhausted; 

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31.

I will choose, this day, to remember that I am His and He is mine!

Back to Blogging

It has been almost three months since my last blog post. I have not quit or forgotten about blogging.  I have been preoccupied.

Preoccupied? With what? The short list is reading and writing. The long list is reading, writing, vacationing to our summer home, meeting people for coffee, leading a Bible study, praying for rain (we seriously need it), triking in the MS bike ride. The list could go on. I won't bore you!

In the days ahead, as I get back in the rhythm of blogging I will be posting more. For now, faithful readers, enjoy the rest of your summer and stay tuned!!!!!

Ripples

Years ago, I bought a box of sympathy cards to have on hand to send to people when they had experienced the loss of a loved one. One of the cards had a quote from Roy Lessin that has stuck with me. Recently, that quote has come to mind. I would like to share it with you, my reading friends, because it speaks deep  into our souls.


"When a stone is dropped into a lake it quickly disappears from sight, but its impact leaves behind a series of RIPPLES that broaden and reach across the water. In the same way, the impact of one life lived for Christ will leave behind an influence FOR GOOD that will reach the lives of many others. "

Summer is just around the corner. My husband and I love to sit on the dock at sunset and watch the fish jump in the lake. The water is like glass, then the jump, and the widening circle of ripples appear. It is a beautiful picture of how the joys and sorrows in our lives can have a  rippling effect on a watching world. Life's storms come. Ripples appear disrupting our calm and glassy lake like world. What are we to do?

A number of years ago, at a crisis point in our own lives, we received some very sage advice from a godly man who understood ripple effect under the weight of trial. He gently encouraged us, that even though we were deep into the crisis, with an unmeasured weight of despair overtaking us, God had a great purpose that we could not see just yet. We were momentarily blinded by grief and sorrow. He talked about the rippling effect this trial would have, not only in our lives, but in those around us who were watching. He was right.

As the years have passed we have begun to see the inner circles of the ripple effect this trial has brought into our lives. We have had the opportunity to share the gospel in ways we never would have thought. We have been able to comfort those who are going through similar trials in ways we never would have dreamed. God has impressed upon our hearts that suffering is a calling. He has been faithful as we have navigated through some very rough waters. We understand more clearly that wherever sorrow shows up, joy is present. We trust in very real and tangible ways what the psalmist of Psalm 84 concluded:

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
    the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
    from those who walk uprightly.

 O Lord of hosts,
     blessed is the one who trusts in you!"

A Tribute to Dad

Sometimes pithy statements have a way of catching you because of the truth they communicate. Have you ever heard this one?  "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer to the end, the faster it goes." Today is one of those days where it feels like time is moving fast.

Ten years ago, today, my dad passed away. I had just returned home from visiting with him as he was rehabilitating from a hip fracture in the local nursing home. He remembered my birthday and had a card ready for me when I arrived. Those few days before his death were precious and sweet. It was hard to see Dad sitting in a wheelchair at the dining table wearing a bib. Tears welled as I realized that the Dad whom I had known and loved was slowly slipping away. A bib? Where was his work apron he always wore in his workshop? Those moments were the beginning of distant memories.

I left on Sunday. Parting was sweet and filled with hopeful return. Two things lingered in my mind as I drove the 7 hours home. The pneumonia that Dad had been battling since surgery seemed to be returning. He was just about to cross the three week mark where the elderly with fractured hips most likely die of a pulmonary emboli. How did I know these things? I had watched it happen to a number of my elderly patients when I had worked surgical nursing.

My family was excited when I pulled in the driveway. They were waiting to have a belated birthday celebration for me. I needed that. Tuesday morning the phone rang.  I knew immediately what my brother had to tell me. "You better come, drive carefully. I'll keep you posted." Halfway there the call came. "Too late! Dad died. Meet me at the hospital when you get to town." Three hours later I arrived. They took me to his room. He looked so peaceful. I picked up his cold limp hand and gripped it for one last time. I wept.

Dad was a very hard working man and his hands told you so. They were large and his grip was firm. He was an engineer and his mind always worked in the realm of fixing and organizing things. His tools hung neatly and organized in his workshop. For every tool he had, he had at least two more of the same tucked in a drawer just in case. His garden was amazing and the bounty huge. He kept records of everything and filed them more than neatly in his filing cabinet. He was the one who inspired my desire to sew by giving me a sewing machine for my birthday. He planned the best vacation times every year to travel us around the country. I remember his hand holding the back of my bike seat when he was teaching me to ride a two-wheeler. The second I went wobbly he would catch me. I felt safe. I was loved.

These past ten years have rolled by very fast. Our family has grown up and moved on and into the marketplace. Grandpa would have been very proud of his grandchildren. I am thankful for the fond memories and the legacy he has left behind.  Most of all I am thankful that He is eternally home.

Living Well, Finishing Well

We all want to do things well. For each of us "doing well" will look very different. The season of life we are in,  life circumstances we experience and what we believe will all affect how we define doing well and ultimately affect our finishing well.

In the Christian church, we are in the midst of the Easter season. For many it is a time of reflection on the horror and the beauty of the cross. There, Christ's work was accomplished to save us from our sinfulness and restore us to a right relationship with God. The ultimate sacrifice was made for me to be forgiven. Gethsemane was that dark night which lead to the cross and death, but burst forth brightly in the resurrection of Christ. Sorrow and love were mingled as blood poured on the ground, but death had no hold on him. Stunning!

When I survey the wondrous cross
 on which the Prince of Glory died;
 my richest gain I count but loss,
 and pour contempt on all my pride.

 Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
 save in the death of Christ, my God;
 all the vain things that charm me most,
 I sacrifice them to his blood.

See, from his head, his hands, his feet,
sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
 that were an offering far too small;
 love so amazing, so divine,
 demands my soul, my life, my all.
1707 Issac Watts

Having put my faith and trust in Christ I often catch myself thinking,"Do I live like I have put my faith and trust in Christ?" Am I coldly mouthing words? Is the gospel reality as fresh in my heart and mind with the passion and zeal as the day Christ changed my heart? Do I live my life in such a way that people can't help but see Christ in me? When its all been said and done, did I do my best to live the truth? Did I live my life for you?

Dear reader, these are good questions for us to be asking ourselves. If you are like me, living in the 4th quarter of life, these thoughts and reflections become more frequent.  So today, as my mind is full of soul music I find myself connecting the dots between the wondrous cross, a thorny crown pressed into flesh, love so amazing, so divine, Lord, I'll live my life for you. Only what I've done for love's reward will stand the test of time!

When it's all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth
Did I live my life for You
When it's all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I've done for love's Reward
Will stand the test of time

Lord Your mercy is so great
That You look beyond our Weakness
And find purest gold in miry clay
Making sinners into saints

I will always sing Your praise
Here on earth and ever after
For You've shown me Heaven's my
True home
When it's all been said and done
You're my life when life is gone

Lord I'll live my life for You
Robin Mark

Bursting Forth

It has been an unusual and early spring for our mid-western climate.  I am struck each day at the beauty of the blossom of spring. Pictures can not  come close to capturing the daily, hourly bursting forth of color against the backdrop of an azure blue sky. Though my attempts with the camera are not in vain, they don't even come close to reproducing the images. I keep looking and watching at this gorgeous display trying to capture it in my memory to be retrieved if winter returns for one last hurrah!

 Today, while driving home from my routines, I found myself completely immersed in the worship and wonder of the God I love. What beauty to behold!

It is the Easter season in the life of the Christian. What an appropriate  phenomenon to be experiencing the awakening of the season from winter to spring at this time. Dark and cold has burst forth into light and brilliant color. It causes me to ponder the darkness of Gethsemane and the cross bursting forth into the light of the resurrection. We were once lost, but have been found. We were once spiritually dead, but are now alive in Christ. Just as we take refreshment in the brilliant and colorful display of our early spring, we are invigorated by the wonder and the power of the cross as it brings us from the dark winter of our sinful souls into colorful spring of life found only in Christ.

All Is Well Even When the Elevator Gives You The Shaft

Some moments stick in your mind like glue to paper. We call these times defining moments. Change is in the air. The wind begins to blow in a different direction, and we find ourselves defining our new normal.

Through the course of the past 32 years we have had many such moments. Grief, loss, sorrow disappointment, and dashed dreams have all found their presence in the warp and weft of the fabric of our lives. Do we despair? I would not be honest with you if I said,"no and thank you for asking, but we have it all together." That would be a lie beyond proportion.

On this journey of life I have learned that as a child of God we are to walk the path of suffering because Jesus walked that path to bring us back to God. It was the only way our sins could be forgiven. Why should we expect so little pain when He endured so much? Joy shows up where sorrow looms.

It has been 10 years since Byron took a walk down a path he had hoped he would never walk. I am honored to have him share with you why he can say it is well even when the elevator gives you the shaft.

Meet My Husband Byron

Ten years ago our lives took a distinct turn after a flurry of doctor visits to evaluate my wife's crescendo of odd neurological symptoms.  One visit led to another which finally led to an MRI of the brain to evaluate these new concerns.

As a physician, I have often been amazed at the significant weight of health and emotional problems many patients carry.  I have been privileged over 27 years of practice to observe many profound acts of courage from patients as they confront these significant, life-changing challenges.

I have also been reminded, sometimes rather painfully of the sterile, unemotional way in which I have carried this type of life-changing news to my own patients.  I am reminded over and over again of the privilege and responsibility of communicating tactfully and truthfully to patients but, perhaps, more importantly helping these patients see a path of hope and purpose in this turn of events in their lives.

I will never forget the important lessons of ten years ago in my own life as I walked quite unsuspectingly and unemotionally into the neuro-radiologist's MRI viewing room with my wife's MRI images tucked under my arms.  Tossing the films up onto his view-box and taking what seemed to be a very quick look, he casually and rather flippantly, for the first time, identified and named the chronic, progressive neurologic disease that for the rest of our days would become the uncomfortable "guest" in our lives and define a new "normal" for us.

I recall a sudden rock-like weight forming in my stomach. Quietly thanking the radiologist, tucking the films under my arm to go home I  now had to deliver this news to my waiting wife.  Walking down the hall toward the elevator I recall a flood of emotions, thoughts and questions crossing my mind.

There are few milestone moments in our lives that we look back on with a crystal clear memory.  These moments of significance land oftentimes unexpectedly and painfully but not without purpose.  I am reminded of the gift of God's grace which not only foreordains our life's sweet and bitter providences for His glory and our good, but sustains us through them.

With tears in my eyes, I recall standing alone at the hospital elevator shaft for what seemed like an eternity.  Feelings of doubt and uncertainty flooded my mind and emotions only to be replaced by the quiet sweet assurance that yes, even this, as painful and fresh as it seemed, had come into our lives for a grand and noble purpose.

Not infrequently now, when I find myself waiting alongside an elevator, I am reminded of this stone of remembrance. I am grateful for the Lord's comfort and strength that He has so graciously lavished on my wife and me since that defining moment by the elevator ten years ago.

I know that God is good and that I/we are in His hands...

Induced Sleep Deprivation

Daylight Savings Time! We look forward to it when it rounds the calendar bend. Days get longer with the turn of the clock. Today, when I went to my regular exercise place everyone that came through the door looked like a college freshman who had just pulled an all nighter studying for exams. As we all slogged and yawned around the work-out circuit we all agreed this daylight savings time thing is great, but.....

Change is not always easy. Whether we admit it or no, we like things to be predictable. We have a difficult time when routines get upset or plans don't go the way we think they should. But, we have a God who never changes, and Scripture reminds us of that in so many ways.

Malachi 3:6a  “For I the Lord do not change;" 

Psalm 100:5 For the Lord is good his steadfast love endures forever and his faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 119:89 Forever, O Lord, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens.

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

As I am struggling through my day full of difficulty and change, disappointment and despair, I will take joy in the God of my salvation because He NEVER changes and His promises are true no matter the circumstance. I already feel invigorated and full of joyful hope no matter what the moment brings, even if it is as small as sleep deprivation.