A Heart Beating In Heaven

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Trials, afflictions, and suffering are no strangers to the one whose identity is found in Christ. Scripture is clear. We will experience them. They should not catch us off guard. When our faith is deeply rooted in Christ and the truth of scripture, we have great hope and assurance even in the gravest of situations.

There is an undeniable realness to grief. But, in our sorrow and grief, God is there to carry us through. We must choose to believe that He is working all things together for good even in our darkest moments. He knows our grief more intimately than we can imagine.



Thatcher and Amy know well the meaning of "counting it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds." They have a story to tell. As their hearts were breaking, knowing that upon the birth of their son James Daniel, God was mending James' broken heart that could not beat this side of heaven. Thatcher and Amy's hearts will be forever changed because they know that joy comes in the morning. As the sun rose over the horizon that morning God took James to glory where his heart is beating. Meet my niece and nephew-in-law Amy and Thatcher. You will be blessed.

My First Christmas in Heaven

It’s my first Christmas up in heaven, I’m right by Jesus’ side

My heart has been made whole and with the Lord I now abide.

For He who holds the world, also holds my tiny hand

I’m safe in Jesus’ presence and it’s gloriously grand! 

Perhaps you’ve heard my story, perhaps you’ve even prayed

God formed me in my mother’s womb and by Him I was made.

Then shortly after I was born, God gently called me home

My heart was meant to beat for Him – for God and God alone.

Though my time on earth was brief, my family cuddled me in love

We made some special memories that are gifts from God above.

Even Joy sweetly held me as I opened up my eyes

And I told her that I loved her in between my little cries.

My “journey of the heart” was written long ago

God knew before I was conceived to Him I soon would go.

He had a different plan – a different purpose all along

I fulfilled my mission on the earth – with Jesus I belong.

Things look different up in heaven, the perspective is more clear

I can see what’s really real, so don’t shed for me a tear.

There is more to this life than what you see with your two eyes

God has made a home for us beyond the big blue skies.

His ways are truly awesome – I can see His plan unfold

Eternity is real – so be steadfast, brave, and bold!

There is no better way to live your life on earth

Than to spend it all for Jesus – which has eternal worth.

For when He comes again or you meet Him face to face

You’ll kneel in rapt attention at His holiness and grace.

Having touched the earth and left it – I can truly testify

There is a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy.

While I wish that I could hug you and tell you that I care

Please accept a Christmas blessing through a simple little prayer,

“Lord, use my ‘broken’ heart as a vessel Your light shines through

I want to tell the world down there that ‘God loves you!’”

 

Love from heaven,

James Daniel

"Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they are ever praising You."
"Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere."
Psalm 84:4, 10a

When Death Knocks At Life's Door

How we handle the trials of our lives tells people where we place our faith hope and trust. Tested faith is proven in the furnace where joy and sorrow are mingled. Meet my friend Gerty. Her testimony to the grace, goodness and faithfulness of God is evident as she has journeyed through the last years and days of her beloved Bob's life. For Bob, the best is no longer yet to come. It has come, and hope springs eternal. 

Here's Gerty...

For the last 1 1/2 years of his life our family knew that Bob had cancer.  Each day I asked God for grace and wisdom to face the challenges that lay ahead as we began the journey of saying good-bye. God is good. He did give me His grace, His peace and His wisdom, as well as a feeling of contentment that though hard it was going to be okay.

Fifty-eight years ago, when Bob and I were married we chose Psalm 34:3 for our wedding ceremony and life verse.  "O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together". 

 As time and life circumstances passed, Psalm 34:4 also became meaningful.  "I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears".

Through the years I have written various dates next to this verse.  The first date was in 1961 when my daughter Linda was thought to have leukemia. Thankfully, she didn’t. In l969, my then 3 year-old son had difficulty walking because of a growth on his hip. With aggressive care and no walking for 3 months, he was healed. (A 3 year old on crutches, yikes!).  When Linda was in high school, she developed myocarditis (who knows how or why).  A few years later Sharon developed hepatitis and had to drop out of college for a time.  In 2005, Bob had peritonitis and needed a bowel resection (no cancer at that time).  Last year we almost lost our daughter Kristen.  Surgery and 16 units of blood saved her.  Each time God brought Psalm 34:4 to my mind.

Several weeks before his death, Bob was lying on the sofa. He called for me to sit by him. He took my hand and started praying, first praising God’s many blessings over his whole life. Next, he thanked God for many things individually. Then he prayed for each of our children and for me.  After that, he wanted to go to bed. He went downhill from that point on.

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears". Psalm 34:4

The night before he died our entire family gathered around his hospital bed.  We prayed that God would answer our prayer and take him home.  The next morning Bob went to GLORY at 10:30 a.m.  Our prayers were answered and I have no fear.

Over my life, God has always been there.  I am at peace and I know in the days and months ahead He will sustain me and grant His grace and wisdom because He has given me the assurance of Psalm 34:3-4.

"O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together!  I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears".

Meet My Friend Connie

Life brings its share of storms. Recently, we have watched the billowing waves of hurricane Sandy hit the mid-Atlantic shore and have seen the destruction left in its wake. As Christians, God is our watchman guiding our path to safe harbor as the billows of life crash in on us. Meet my friend Connie. She is an example of one who has trusted God when waves have come crashing.

 Some days just shake the very foundation of our being. Though distant now, the memories of that day still linger in my mind. It was the day my son left to join the army. It was a time our country was involved in war. Inevitability loomed!

As my children were growing up I frequently prayed that the Lord would grow them into godly men and women. Whatever it takes, I would say! This?? It was not what I had in mind, but it was to be God’s chosen path for Josh.

Trust!!!!! Why is one word so difficult to comprehend? Could I honestly say that Josh was safer at home than where he was to be? After all, the God of the universe was with him.

God moves in ways that sometimes are a mystery to us. Having a son go to war was not part of my plan. I am the mother! Why was I not consulted? Pause!!!! It’s God’s design, not mine! He had something different in mind! Could I trust God when things don’t look like I think they should?  I was beginning to see - not only was God working in Josh’s life, He was working in my heart. He was answering the cry of a mother to grow her son’s heart Godward. Trust!!!!

I am thankful that the responsibility of my son’s life will never rest on my shoulders. I am so grateful I don’t have to carry this burden. Although many days were tearful I was learning not to be fearful. The same God who was watching over my son was watching over me. God added such peace to my days. What could be better than that?  I was learning to trust that one way or another Josh would be coming ‘home’- either into my arms or into the arms of Jesus. 

Sometimes life’s best lessons are learned in the school of hard knocks. If you could have asked Josh, he would have said, "I am glad God brought me to this place, because He is teaching me things here that I would not have learned elsewhere." Josh reminded me of the truth found in Psalms 37:23, "The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and he delights in his way." 

Retrospective, perspective!!!!!! Looking back I see so many positive things this experience has produced. Growth in character, maturity, and responsibility has been priceless. These years were not wasted; they were growing years, not only for my son, but also for his mother. Though God’s ways do not always parallel mine, I have learned to trust Him. He has proven Himself.  He has intimately ministered to my heart so I could withstand a situation that was just too hard for any mother to deal with alone.  This is where peace is found (Isaiah 26:3-4).

I remember the first time I saw Josh. He wasn’t my little boy anymore. He was wearing the uniform of the U.S. Army. Now, he was their man. But his greatest call will always be a soldier of the Lord. After all, he’s already in His army. Now that’s perspective!!

A Playlist Must Have

Music has an uncanny way of reaching deep into our souls. It can have a powerful sway over the mind and gives reason for choosing it wisely. In ancient times the Psalms, by their poetic style were set to song as a way to help people remember who God is, what He is doing and how much He cares, provides, and protects. 

One song that will reach into your soul in a way that brings refreshment and helps remember God's love and grace is "Will you Hide Me," (Healing Streams) by Kelly Minter. It is a playlist must have! 

WILL YOU HIDE ME (HEALING STREAMS)

WILL You Hide me in Your shelter

Will You shade me with Your wings 


When the heat of day consumes me 


Let me drink from healing streams 


Drink from healing streams 



Will You lift my heavy burdens 


Will You pave my path with peace 


And when the road is steep and stony 


Let me bathe in healing streams 


Bathe in healing streams 



When the joy of morning tarries 


When the waves of darkness roll 


Will You shine Your light of faithfulness 


Giving courage to my soul 


Courage to my soul 



Will You lead me to repentance 


Will You make temptations flee 


When I'm filled with condemnation 


Will You show Your scars to me 


Show Your scars to me 



And in the place where trouble waits 


Lord I shall not fear 


The Comforter the Counsellor 


The Saviour is here 



Will You hide me in Your shelter 


Will You shade me with Your wings 


When the heat of day consumes me 


Let me drink from healing streams 


Drink from healing streams 



John Hartley, Stuart Townend & Kelly Minter 
Copyright © 2007

Thankyou Music

Hope on a Hairpin Turn

When I have had one of those stumbling, lose perspective kind of weeks I really need a jolt. I need to REMEMBER, God is nearest when it seems like He is the farthest away. Trust!! In the valley, I must choose to trust that God's grace is sufficient and that in my weakest moments He is my strength. He knows my fears, He comforts! He keeps my tears in a bottle, He hears my cries! He feels my pain, He knows my frame!

Why then, do I wallow in the mire? Once again, I have forgotten the power of the cross. I have lost sight of the power of the Word. I have lost perspective...

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:7-14.

Connect that with:

 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13.

Dear Reader, whenever you hit bumps in the road or face hairpin turns, remember the hope you have in Christ. He gives grace and does so in great abundance. As you face trials and hardships press into Jesus and find joy in your journey! Remember, when He seems the farthest away He is right beside ready to take your hand and walk the road with you! In fact, he walked it before you!!!!!!!!

Remember Sara and Don? They Have a Story to Finish!

There are occasions in our lives when sitting in the waiting room of life can seem as if time is wasted. Though, at times, we do not see or understand the purpose in waiting it is a time to be reminded that God is working, moving and plotting for our good. Joy comes in the morning.

Don and Sara have known the waiting room well. It has been a deep valley for them and a rich experience as they have watched and waited with patience for God to mold shape and give greater form to their family. Beyond their wildest dreams God gave them exactly what they had hoped and prayed for - TWINS. He needed to have them wait for their boys to become their boys.

Dear reading friends, you learned about Don and Sara in January. It was only part of the story. Now, you get to finish the story. To God be the GLORY!!!!!!

We got our referral in November 2011.  We had hoped for a court date within three months, which was our estimated time-frame. Continuing with our previous theme of delays and setbacks, our court date wasn’t issued until 6 months after we had received our referral. We were just taking the first of two required trips right around the time that we had hoped that we would have our sons home. There was a period of time during this delay that we actually feared that something was going to happen to cause the adoption to fall through. The Ethiopian courts weren’t issuing us a court date and no one seemed to understand why.

We did finally receive a court date for May 5, 2012. The week we spent in Ethiopia for court was unforgettable and one of the happiest weeks of our lives. We passed court right away, which meant that our sons were officially “our” sons, and we got to spend the rest of the week enjoying them. We loved them instantly and God used our time with them to bond our hearts to them in a very special way.

Adopting from Ethiopia requires two trips, which meant that after our week with our sons, we had to return home and wait for the remaining paperwork to be completed before we could legally and officially take them home with us for good. It was approximately 2.5 months before we returned to Ethiopia and much of that time was spent praying and fasting for our sons. They were our sons; we had held and kissed them, fed them, changed them, and rocked them to sleep, and now we were again separated by thousands of miles. The Lord was teaching us during this time to continue to entrust them to his care; he reminded us that he was the one caring for them all of those months while we waited and he would continue to do so.

At the end of July, we decided we had waited long enough and we booked one-way tickets to Ethiopia in order to spend the remainder of our wait with the boys. We had no idea how long we would have to wait while in Ethiopia, but we hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t be more than two weeks. We ended up spending 10 days together in a hotel room before receiving the boys’ visas and being cleared to take them home.

We arrived home on the 2^nd of August to a crowd of family and friends cheering for us at the airport. We had traveled over 24 hours and missed two nights of sleep, but that couldn’t squelch the utter joy and relief of finally being home. I’ll never forget putting the boys in their car seats for the first time and thinking, “They’re really here. They’re home.” It was one of the sweetest moments to watch their tired, sleepy heads rest against their car seats as we left the airport and turned onto the interstate.

We’ve been home now for almost two months, and the relief and thankfulness still haven’t subsided. Almost daily, I feel a measure of surprise and relief that they are really home. For years we had prayed for children and then for months we had specifically waited and prayed for these two boys and suddenly they are home with us. There is a park near our house that my husband and I would often take prayer walks to and I spent a lot of that time praying for our sons. I would see these two little baby swings and imagine having the boys swinging and smiling side by side. Now we take the boys to the park with us and they really do smile and swing side by side. It’s their favorite thing to do at the park and it is a picture of answered prayer to me.

Looking back, it’s hard to pinpoint all that God has taught us during this process. I’m sure there are ways that the pain and the prayers and the waiting have shaped us that we aren’t even fully aware of yet, but I do know that God has used the waiting for children and a difficult adoption process to teach us to trust him, to center our lives on him, to find our joy and purpose in him, and to let go of our lives here on earth.

When I look at our sons, I am filled with joy and an intense love that I could never have imagined. I love to love them, and I marvel that God gave them to us. He planned them for us. It took over 5.5 years of infertility, close to 3 years in a mostly dark adoption tunnel, and thousands of miles of separation, but God gave them to us. He entrusted them to us. All of our delays and the pain and the prayers were leading to two little boys born in a remote village in northern Ethiopia that would one day be our sons.

There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t thank God for them. He spared and sustained their lives throughout months of malnourishment, two different orphanages, and various caregivers, and then he brought our whole adoption process to completion so that on August 2^nd, we could walk through our front door as a family of four. This is one of the great “goods” that came out of our waiting, but it isn’t the only one.

Probably more significant is the good that God has done within our hearts. We have learned, though not perfectly, to treasure God above all else. He used our waiting to turn our eyes more fully to him. We have learned to apply the gospel to our lives. The death of Christ on our behalf and the reconciliation that we have with God proves that God is for us and utterly trustworthy, no matter what we are going through. We have asked hard questions, such as: What is really important in life? What do we want to accomplish? What are our priorities? Years ago, we would have been satisfied with 2-3 little carbon copies of ourselves, a nice little house, a nice little life: the American dream. We’ve seen through that façade now and have an intensified desire to use our lives to glorify God and do good to others.

We couldn’t see the end of our story 5.5 years ago. We couldn’t see how all of the delays were working for our good. We couldn’t see how having to wait longer was going to shape our priorities, our faith, and ultimately lead us to our sons, but it did. And we wouldn’t change a thing.

We don’t know what it’s like to love a biological child, but I can tell you that loving our adopted children is amazing. On the one hand, we love them with a natural love. They are our sons and we delight in them. And in addition to that, there is this sense that God is with us and is loving them through us. He is the father to the fatherless and the bible makes it clear that he has a special love for the orphan. When we hear their laughter and see them smile, I sense the pleasure of God.

Often during our process, I read the following quote from John Piper. It gave me great encouragement when we were in the midst of our tunnel, and reading it now on the other side, it rings even more true.

“Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And the point of biblical stories is to help us feel in our bones not just know in our heads, that God is for us in all of these strange turns.

The life of the godly is not a straight line to glory. It’s more like a dark and seemingly unknown trail through the mountains. There are rockslides and slippery curves, and hairpin turns that make you go backward in order to go forward.

But along this hazardous twisted road that doesn’t let you see very far ahead, and may even make you feel like you’ve been lead to the edge of the cliff, God gives us encouragement and hope that all the perplexing turns in our lives are going somewhere good.

Often when we think God is farthest from us, and has even turned against us, the truth is, that he is laying a foundation for greater happiness in our lives. God is plotting for our joy. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ."

From John Piper's book, A Sweet and Bitter Providence

9/11 Like Rubble

Today, much like 11 years ago, has been a bright and sunny, fall-feeling, hope-inviting beginning to the day. On that day our family was up and at it with the normal daily routine. Music gathered for violin and piano lessons, breakfast done, preparing to leave, the phone rang."Turn on your TV, you are not going to believe what just happened," was the message.  It was 8 AM CST. What unfolded next was beyond immediate comprehension. At 8:03 AM CST the second plane flew into the second tower, another plane hit the pentagon, and if that wasn't enough a fourth plane went down in the fields of PA taking life, but sparing a gruesome attack on our nation's capitol.The towers fell in a heap of rubble. The rest is history.

I remember the days following the attack were full of confusion, uncertainty, and fear mingled with intense patriotism. American flags flew everywhere.  Candle light vigils were ongoing every night offering up prayers for missing family and friends as the country grieved and remained on high alert for another potential attack. Where would it be next, and how would it happen?

Many times, when life's trials and afflictions swirl around us, much like the days following 9/11, it is easy to have those same feelings of confusion and doubt. Where is God in this mess? Does God even care? Is there a way out of this?

Dear reading friend, I can say with great confidence yes, yes, and yes. Look to the rubble of 9/11 and see that the answer to our deepest need in the face of affliction is found in Christ alone.

... For he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So, we can confidently say, " The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Hebrew 13:5b-6. Add to that,

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1Peter 5:7. And let us not forget,

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

In the dark places of our lives we must choose to remember that God is good. He knows our frame. His promises are true. We can trust him in the 9/11 rubble of our lives.

Every Word of God proves true; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. Proverbs 30:5.

Sustenance

Philippians 3:7-10
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—  that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.


Have you ever had one of those mornings when you got dressed and thought, "Bedtime can't come soon enough today!" Or on those weary days waves of emotion rise that cause you to think," I can't do this anymore."

I have these moments. They seem to be coming more frequently. When they occur two words merge in my mind:

chronic-persisting for a long time or constantly recurring; long-lasting and difficult to eradicate 

sustenance-food and drink regarded as a source of strength; nourishment: the maintaining of someone or something in life or existence. 

Sometimes when  thoughts get jumbled and emotions get carried away the nagging of chronic trumps the significance of sustenance. Why?  Is it the chronic pain? Is it the fatigue from the constant burning feeling of numbness and tingling? Is it spastic intercostal muscles that won't allow the rib cage to expand properly causing  hypoxic dizziness and panic? Something other than Christ has captivated me. I have begun to focus on my external circumstances. No longer is the gospel intersecting my heart, changing me and rearranging me. I have let the battle over take me forgetting that the war has been won. Christ is the victor. He is the sustenance that trumps the chronic.

Dear reading friend, as I ponder chronic and sustenance I find my thoughts migrating toward a far more serious chronic condition than physical disease - the spiritual disease of unbelief! The billowing waves of unbelief cause a chronic and very serious heart condition that gets deeply entwined in sin. Do I trust that the God of the universe is completely in control of my circumstance? Have I lost sight of the fact that He has custom designed my life and circumstances as a means to draw me closer to Him? Would I rather be gripped by the chronic or feast at the banquet table of sustenance?

I need to repent, reorient, and rearrange my thinking toward the precious beauty and purpose of redemption. I need to drink deeply from the well of living water. I need to feast on the rich truths of God's Word. And when I do, I find chronic sustenance that gives sufficient satisfaction in knowing "How Sweet The Name of Jesus Sounds." Rest and peace!

Meet My Friends Saidy and Rob

I love to hear individual stories of how God's mercy triumphs over misery. Rob and Saidy showed up in our lives a year ago. They are an eager, young couple passionate about there faith and service to the Lord. Their journey through affliction has been an encouragement to me as I watch them put their faith, hope and trust in our heavenly Father who has given them a precious gift, salvation, hope and eternity. Continue reading and you will be blessed!

 Seeing Suffering as a blessing?

I have been reflecting on the Lord's blessings over Rob's and my marriage over the past year as we approach our 1 year anniversary. I couldn't help but share my thoughts on a particular blessing...

"What if Your healing comes through tears?
 What if a thousand sleepless nights
 are what it takes to know You’re near
? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

Those words became so real to me when I first heard them on the radio. I was driving home from dropping Rob off at work. Rob wasn't able to drive at the time. His doctor recommended he didn't. Not for 9 months...our first 9 months of marriage actually. I kept asking myself, why?

I didn't think this was the way a marriage was supposed to start, it wasn't the way I had dreamed it to be.

My dreams about marriage didn't include sleepless nights, tears, constantly crying out to God for healing, for strength, crying out to him in anger because I couldn't feel him near...that's not what I had imagined.

It wasn't what I had planned.

God taught me during that, that my fantasy or dream wasn't the Lord's reality for my life. He instead wanted to refine my faith, strengthen it, and unite Rob and I right from the start. Rob and I had a long distance relationship the whole time up until we finally got married. God's plan was perfect. Mercies in disguise. It was the "revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy"...."BLESSINGS" was the song that kept taking me back to God's Word during that time. (see lyrics by Laura Story, and song below)

Rob was diagnosed with partial complex seizures a few months before we were married. These came as a consequence of having had two long seizures when he was a baby. The seizures beat a path through his hippocampus, and the seizures found their way back when Rob went through some intense stress in college. (We didn't come to this diagnosis easy, we searched high and low for a neurologist that would be able to diagnose Rob, and it was only by the Lord's leading that we came across the doctor that we did. I would also like to thank our friend Mert who has MS and helped steer us in the right direction. It is no coincidence that they are our friends (check out her blog: Connecting the Dots). The goal after that was to find medication that would suppress them.

It was such a painful journey for me, ( I can only begin to imagine how painful it was for Rob). All I could do while he was having a seizure was hold his hand as his face would turn white and his lips purple, he wasn't able to talk or know what was going on, and then he'd sleep. He would need to sleep for about 30 minutes after each seizure. I would hurt to hear how bad he felt that he couldn't drive, that he couldn't perform his job as well as he could if he didn't always have these seizures. I couldn't help him. Only God could. The seizures were unpredictable. Here is a glimpse into one of my desperate cries to the Lord as I prayed Psalm 17, 18 and 22 one sleepless night:

"Lord you are my rock, my refuge, my shield. Oh hear my cry! For you are the Doctor, the King of kings. I trust in you, I trust your sovereignty. Oh Lord hear my cry! Listen to the hurt in my heart, to my fears and insecurities. I pray you bring healing to Rob. Help us in finding what's wrong, and help us find a way to stop the seizures. Hold him in the shadow of your wings. Help us understand these seizures and why he's having them. Give ear to my prayer oh my God, my almighty Savior! I hurt inside for my beloved everytime there is one. He wants to provide, he wants to serve you. I pray you bring healing upon him." (taken from my prayer journal, August 10 2011).

I wanted so bad to be able to help him. God taught me the meaning of "pray without ceasing" (1 Thes 5:17) early on in our marriage. To pray for my husband, not just for physical things, but also for spiritual things. God showed me that I needed to strengthen my faith, because I doubted His goodness (Psalm 31:19), His love (Psalm 63:3), and His sovereignty (Dan 4:35). God taught me that I gain nothing with worrying or being anxious. He taught me this through many sleepless nights, through many "raindrops", through so many tears, through so many angry and desperate prayers, through many "mercies in disguise". And He continues to teach me today in different ways, because I tend to forget.

This was also a time of blessing for our marriage. Since Rob couldn't drive, I drove him anywhere and everywhere. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time together. God really used that time to unite us, being that we had spent most of our courtship and engagement cross-country.

Praise God, He has controlled Rob's seizures and has suppressed them with medication for about 6 months now. He is now driving, yet we go almost everywhere we can together still. We got so used to that. Yes, I'm thankful Rob's seizures are suppressed, I am also thankful though for that trial we went through because I can now look back and see clearly what I learned while going through that.  We are so thankful to see God's goodness, love, and nearness. We still hang on by our prayers. I pray everyday that Rob won't have a seizure. I pray everyday that God would use my husband and the testimony He has built into our lives of God's goodness. If I could start my marriage over again from day one, I wouldn't change a thing. I needed that. God knew I did. .... And this is how we see this suffering as a true blessing, a blessing in disguise.

Parched

This has been a summer of drought. Unlike anything I have seen in recent years. Even the  media is reporting it as severe to extreme. The heat has been record breaking. Storm clouds form. Rain is predicted, but the clouds pass overhead with a few drops and are gone.

The hopeful dreams of spring planting have turned into gnarly brown crops and deep, craggy cracks in the soil that are beginning to look as deep as the Grand Canyon. Loss!


We all have them, but we don't often admit we do. Spiritual droughts, parching our heart, come in and out of season just like the drought we are experiencing this summer.

We are weary with the dryness and heat. Strength starts to wane. Despite our best efforts, our eyes begin to dry, faith gets old, our hearts are hard, and our prayers grow cold. Why? I am a Christian. I shouldn't feel this way. Is this what the Chrisitan life is all about? Highs and lows?  Feeling parched? Where are the roses? What happened to the "joy of the Lord is my strength." Cracked and brown! Drought! I am!

Dear reading friend,  I would be lying to you if I said, "I never have times of spiritual drought when my eyes are dry, my faith is old, my heart is hard, and my prayers grow cold." Do I, often, feel weary? You bet I do! Do I wander in circles in the spiritual desert of my soul? You bet, I do! Am I highly vulnerable when the going gets tough? Absolutely! Why?

Answer:
I have forgotten who I belong to. I have forgotten my spiritual identity. I am a child of the King! Why would I want to live like a spiritual pauper allowing every wind and wave to overtake me?  I have the glorious riches of Christ lavished on me by the grace and mercy of God (Ephesians 2:4-10). I am known by Him and found in Him (Ephesians 1:1-14). Every detail of my life has already been sifted through the loving fingers of God.

I need to remember! Every tug and trial that comes my way is a precious gift from God that draws me to HIM, and is perfectly designed by the one who knows my greatest need. Oh, to be found in Him and to rest in Him! Streams of living water flow through a parched heart making it supple!

The book of James reminds me to:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,  for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing... Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:2-4,12.

Connect that thought to this one:
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5.

Conclude that thought with this one: 
Have you not known? Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
     his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
    and to him who has no might he increases strength^.
 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
    and young men shall fall exhausted; 

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31.

I will choose, this day, to remember that I am His and He is mine!

Back to Blogging

It has been almost three months since my last blog post. I have not quit or forgotten about blogging.  I have been preoccupied.

Preoccupied? With what? The short list is reading and writing. The long list is reading, writing, vacationing to our summer home, meeting people for coffee, leading a Bible study, praying for rain (we seriously need it), triking in the MS bike ride. The list could go on. I won't bore you!

In the days ahead, as I get back in the rhythm of blogging I will be posting more. For now, faithful readers, enjoy the rest of your summer and stay tuned!!!!!

Ripples

Years ago, I bought a box of sympathy cards to have on hand to send to people when they had experienced the loss of a loved one. One of the cards had a quote from Roy Lessin that has stuck with me. Recently, that quote has come to mind. I would like to share it with you, my reading friends, because it speaks deep  into our souls.


"When a stone is dropped into a lake it quickly disappears from sight, but its impact leaves behind a series of RIPPLES that broaden and reach across the water. In the same way, the impact of one life lived for Christ will leave behind an influence FOR GOOD that will reach the lives of many others. "

Summer is just around the corner. My husband and I love to sit on the dock at sunset and watch the fish jump in the lake. The water is like glass, then the jump, and the widening circle of ripples appear. It is a beautiful picture of how the joys and sorrows in our lives can have a  rippling effect on a watching world. Life's storms come. Ripples appear disrupting our calm and glassy lake like world. What are we to do?

A number of years ago, at a crisis point in our own lives, we received some very sage advice from a godly man who understood ripple effect under the weight of trial. He gently encouraged us, that even though we were deep into the crisis, with an unmeasured weight of despair overtaking us, God had a great purpose that we could not see just yet. We were momentarily blinded by grief and sorrow. He talked about the rippling effect this trial would have, not only in our lives, but in those around us who were watching. He was right.

As the years have passed we have begun to see the inner circles of the ripple effect this trial has brought into our lives. We have had the opportunity to share the gospel in ways we never would have thought. We have been able to comfort those who are going through similar trials in ways we never would have dreamed. God has impressed upon our hearts that suffering is a calling. He has been faithful as we have navigated through some very rough waters. We understand more clearly that wherever sorrow shows up, joy is present. We trust in very real and tangible ways what the psalmist of Psalm 84 concluded:

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
    the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
    from those who walk uprightly.

 O Lord of hosts,
     blessed is the one who trusts in you!"

A Tribute to Dad

Sometimes pithy statements have a way of catching you because of the truth they communicate. Have you ever heard this one?  "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer to the end, the faster it goes." Today is one of those days where it feels like time is moving fast.

Ten years ago, today, my dad passed away. I had just returned home from visiting with him as he was rehabilitating from a hip fracture in the local nursing home. He remembered my birthday and had a card ready for me when I arrived. Those few days before his death were precious and sweet. It was hard to see Dad sitting in a wheelchair at the dining table wearing a bib. Tears welled as I realized that the Dad whom I had known and loved was slowly slipping away. A bib? Where was his work apron he always wore in his workshop? Those moments were the beginning of distant memories.

I left on Sunday. Parting was sweet and filled with hopeful return. Two things lingered in my mind as I drove the 7 hours home. The pneumonia that Dad had been battling since surgery seemed to be returning. He was just about to cross the three week mark where the elderly with fractured hips most likely die of a pulmonary emboli. How did I know these things? I had watched it happen to a number of my elderly patients when I had worked surgical nursing.

My family was excited when I pulled in the driveway. They were waiting to have a belated birthday celebration for me. I needed that. Tuesday morning the phone rang.  I knew immediately what my brother had to tell me. "You better come, drive carefully. I'll keep you posted." Halfway there the call came. "Too late! Dad died. Meet me at the hospital when you get to town." Three hours later I arrived. They took me to his room. He looked so peaceful. I picked up his cold limp hand and gripped it for one last time. I wept.

Dad was a very hard working man and his hands told you so. They were large and his grip was firm. He was an engineer and his mind always worked in the realm of fixing and organizing things. His tools hung neatly and organized in his workshop. For every tool he had, he had at least two more of the same tucked in a drawer just in case. His garden was amazing and the bounty huge. He kept records of everything and filed them more than neatly in his filing cabinet. He was the one who inspired my desire to sew by giving me a sewing machine for my birthday. He planned the best vacation times every year to travel us around the country. I remember his hand holding the back of my bike seat when he was teaching me to ride a two-wheeler. The second I went wobbly he would catch me. I felt safe. I was loved.

These past ten years have rolled by very fast. Our family has grown up and moved on and into the marketplace. Grandpa would have been very proud of his grandchildren. I am thankful for the fond memories and the legacy he has left behind.  Most of all I am thankful that He is eternally home.

Living Well, Finishing Well

We all want to do things well. For each of us "doing well" will look very different. The season of life we are in,  life circumstances we experience and what we believe will all affect how we define doing well and ultimately affect our finishing well.

In the Christian church, we are in the midst of the Easter season. For many it is a time of reflection on the horror and the beauty of the cross. There, Christ's work was accomplished to save us from our sinfulness and restore us to a right relationship with God. The ultimate sacrifice was made for me to be forgiven. Gethsemane was that dark night which lead to the cross and death, but burst forth brightly in the resurrection of Christ. Sorrow and love were mingled as blood poured on the ground, but death had no hold on him. Stunning!

When I survey the wondrous cross
 on which the Prince of Glory died;
 my richest gain I count but loss,
 and pour contempt on all my pride.

 Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
 save in the death of Christ, my God;
 all the vain things that charm me most,
 I sacrifice them to his blood.

See, from his head, his hands, his feet,
sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
 that were an offering far too small;
 love so amazing, so divine,
 demands my soul, my life, my all.
1707 Issac Watts

Having put my faith and trust in Christ I often catch myself thinking,"Do I live like I have put my faith and trust in Christ?" Am I coldly mouthing words? Is the gospel reality as fresh in my heart and mind with the passion and zeal as the day Christ changed my heart? Do I live my life in such a way that people can't help but see Christ in me? When its all been said and done, did I do my best to live the truth? Did I live my life for you?

Dear reader, these are good questions for us to be asking ourselves. If you are like me, living in the 4th quarter of life, these thoughts and reflections become more frequent.  So today, as my mind is full of soul music I find myself connecting the dots between the wondrous cross, a thorny crown pressed into flesh, love so amazing, so divine, Lord, I'll live my life for you. Only what I've done for love's reward will stand the test of time!

When it's all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth
Did I live my life for You
When it's all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I've done for love's Reward
Will stand the test of time

Lord Your mercy is so great
That You look beyond our Weakness
And find purest gold in miry clay
Making sinners into saints

I will always sing Your praise
Here on earth and ever after
For You've shown me Heaven's my
True home
When it's all been said and done
You're my life when life is gone

Lord I'll live my life for You
Robin Mark

Bursting Forth

It has been an unusual and early spring for our mid-western climate.  I am struck each day at the beauty of the blossom of spring. Pictures can not  come close to capturing the daily, hourly bursting forth of color against the backdrop of an azure blue sky. Though my attempts with the camera are not in vain, they don't even come close to reproducing the images. I keep looking and watching at this gorgeous display trying to capture it in my memory to be retrieved if winter returns for one last hurrah!

 Today, while driving home from my routines, I found myself completely immersed in the worship and wonder of the God I love. What beauty to behold!

It is the Easter season in the life of the Christian. What an appropriate  phenomenon to be experiencing the awakening of the season from winter to spring at this time. Dark and cold has burst forth into light and brilliant color. It causes me to ponder the darkness of Gethsemane and the cross bursting forth into the light of the resurrection. We were once lost, but have been found. We were once spiritually dead, but are now alive in Christ. Just as we take refreshment in the brilliant and colorful display of our early spring, we are invigorated by the wonder and the power of the cross as it brings us from the dark winter of our sinful souls into colorful spring of life found only in Christ.

All Is Well Even When the Elevator Gives You The Shaft

Some moments stick in your mind like glue to paper. We call these times defining moments. Change is in the air. The wind begins to blow in a different direction, and we find ourselves defining our new normal.

Through the course of the past 32 years we have had many such moments. Grief, loss, sorrow disappointment, and dashed dreams have all found their presence in the warp and weft of the fabric of our lives. Do we despair? I would not be honest with you if I said,"no and thank you for asking, but we have it all together." That would be a lie beyond proportion.

On this journey of life I have learned that as a child of God we are to walk the path of suffering because Jesus walked that path to bring us back to God. It was the only way our sins could be forgiven. Why should we expect so little pain when He endured so much? Joy shows up where sorrow looms.

It has been 10 years since Byron took a walk down a path he had hoped he would never walk. I am honored to have him share with you why he can say it is well even when the elevator gives you the shaft.

Meet My Husband Byron

Ten years ago our lives took a distinct turn after a flurry of doctor visits to evaluate my wife's crescendo of odd neurological symptoms.  One visit led to another which finally led to an MRI of the brain to evaluate these new concerns.

As a physician, I have often been amazed at the significant weight of health and emotional problems many patients carry.  I have been privileged over 27 years of practice to observe many profound acts of courage from patients as they confront these significant, life-changing challenges.

I have also been reminded, sometimes rather painfully of the sterile, unemotional way in which I have carried this type of life-changing news to my own patients.  I am reminded over and over again of the privilege and responsibility of communicating tactfully and truthfully to patients but, perhaps, more importantly helping these patients see a path of hope and purpose in this turn of events in their lives.

I will never forget the important lessons of ten years ago in my own life as I walked quite unsuspectingly and unemotionally into the neuro-radiologist's MRI viewing room with my wife's MRI images tucked under my arms.  Tossing the films up onto his view-box and taking what seemed to be a very quick look, he casually and rather flippantly, for the first time, identified and named the chronic, progressive neurologic disease that for the rest of our days would become the uncomfortable "guest" in our lives and define a new "normal" for us.

I recall a sudden rock-like weight forming in my stomach. Quietly thanking the radiologist, tucking the films under my arm to go home I  now had to deliver this news to my waiting wife.  Walking down the hall toward the elevator I recall a flood of emotions, thoughts and questions crossing my mind.

There are few milestone moments in our lives that we look back on with a crystal clear memory.  These moments of significance land oftentimes unexpectedly and painfully but not without purpose.  I am reminded of the gift of God's grace which not only foreordains our life's sweet and bitter providences for His glory and our good, but sustains us through them.

With tears in my eyes, I recall standing alone at the hospital elevator shaft for what seemed like an eternity.  Feelings of doubt and uncertainty flooded my mind and emotions only to be replaced by the quiet sweet assurance that yes, even this, as painful and fresh as it seemed, had come into our lives for a grand and noble purpose.

Not infrequently now, when I find myself waiting alongside an elevator, I am reminded of this stone of remembrance. I am grateful for the Lord's comfort and strength that He has so graciously lavished on my wife and me since that defining moment by the elevator ten years ago.

I know that God is good and that I/we are in His hands...