MY CANCER
My heart, this morning, is to express the “joy” I feel about God choosing to give me this breast cancer to teach me important lessons I need to know.
In Romans 15:4 Paul says:
For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
Perseverance is from the Greek word “hupomone” that has the sense of remaining under the trial UNTIL God produces a completed work in us ~ that’s what James talks about in James 1: 4.
OK ~ so the Scriptures were written for my instruction and encouragement and hope and they tell me to persevere under trials and to consider them “JOY” ~ because ~ God wants to make me more like Jesus!!! And He promises to walk with me through ANY trial and He tells me to TRUST Him.
I am a woman who’s been blessed with solid teaching for more than 20 years. My local church, Ladies Bible Study, Sunday School, multiple translations of the Word of God, countless books by spirit-filled men and women of God, edifying and convicting Christian fiction, amazingly beautiful and scripture based music, radio and internet at my fingertips to research or listen to powerfully accurate messages from contemporary Christian leaders and even those who teach us from the past.
In other words ~ God has faithfully been pouring truth into my life for many years ~ He’s fed me with the food I need to see His Sovereign rule over my life and to know that His ways are BEST, and for His glory, and for my good.
I can visualize a procession of TRUTHS He’s taught me over these years that cause me to say with Horatio Spafford, “Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul.”
...and to say with Martin Luther, that God is my mighty FORTRESS ~ a bulwark never failing, my helper amid the flood of mortal ills ~ the Lord Sabaoth ~ the Lord of All of Heavens Armies!! the One who WINS the battle.
So these are things I “KNOW” ~ by head knowledge. BUT ~ have they truly been applied when the rubber meets the road?
I’ve prayed for a long time that what I’m learning in my head would become applicable to my life ~ that the truths would make a difference in my heart attitudes and my actions, and that my witness would say to my family and friends that “‘Jesus is BETTER than anything ~ and that following Him is the greatest privilege and the safest haven for my soul ~ regardless of what my circumstances are.
Our current study “Calm My Anxious Heart” seemed tailor made for the exact testing of my faith that finding a lump in my breast would cause (you know there are no coincidences with God, of course!)
What better verses could I be memorizing than Phil 4:11-13 about learning contentment in any and every circumstance? and Phil 4:6-8 about NOT being anxious for anything, but praying and giving thanks in order to receive God’s peace that passes understanding? and Ps 139:14 about God’s knitting me together in my mother’s womb and making me fearfully and wonderfully and the command to give Him thanks for the WAY He made me? Each of these verses fed my soul EXACTLY what it needed to trust God’s plan. To wait on His answers without anxiety.
To refuse to panic. To refuse to jump ahead to WHAT IF’S. To refuse to forecast grief. To let Him be the Blessed Controller.
Ella Spees ~ the missionary we looked at in the first chapter, gave us a seemingly impossible prescription for contentment. One said to NEVER allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise and the last one said to NEVER dwell on tomorrow ~ remember that tomorrow is God’s not ours ~ SO ~ God was preparing me to embrace His truth that MY tomorrows belonged to Him. They are nestled in His strong arms ~ therefore I can be content.
J. I. Packer’s quote from the book is one I’d written a year ago on an index card and that I’ve referred to often:
“Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God’s hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good.”
In this study we also used Luke 22:39-42 as meditation verses about Jesus in the garden and His intense suffering and His asking the Father that (if He was willing) to remove the cup ~ YET ~ not His own will, but the Father’s will be done. So ~ once again ~ the Lord provided an illustration of Jesus’ willingness to accept the cup and portion that the Father willed for Him. I want to pray for the grace to accept the lovingly assigned portion that my heavenly Father has prepared for me!!
He’s been infusing me with His Word and preparing me for this battle from long ago.
During our last study on the book of Hebrews when we watched a radiant Joni Eareckson Tada speak about her latest ambush by breast cancer and chemotherapy ~ I listened with rapt attention, tears in my eyes and a heart that rejoiced to hear Joni’s testimony of God’s sustaining grace through ALL her fiery trials. She elaborated on His sovereignty and how she clung to Jesus so that she would not grow weary or lose heart. She refuses to be one that shrinks back and displeases her Lord. She chooses instead to be one through whom the manifold wisdom of God is made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms ~ from Eph 3:10.
She reflects on this reality at 2:00 a.m. when she can’t sleep, and when she doesn’t understand, or is surprised by the toughness of the trial...she said:
“ I remember that something dynamic and electrifying is abuzz in my dark room. The unseen world in the spirit realm, all the heavenly hosts, including powers and principalities, they're watching me. They're listening to me. And as I respond, they are learning about God and His character through me—little me.”
“The angelic and dark powers of the entire universe learn how high and wide and rich and deep is His incredible mercy and power and love. They are amazed to see that it is the mighty strength of Christ's resurrection that is giving you the power to say “no” to bitterness and “yes” to grace.”
I’ve had a quote from a commentary by JC Ryle, written on an index card that I keep by my computer. It’s been there a long time and I read it often and have read it to others who are facing trouble.
It’s truth has been increasingly precious to me since I’ve been made aware of my cancer.
"There is nothing which shows our ignorance so much as our impatience under trouble. We forget that every cross is a message from God, and intended to do us good in the end. Trials are intended to make us think - to wean us from the world to send us to the Bible, to drive us to our knees. Health is a good thing; but sickness is far better, if it leads us to God. Prosperity is a great mercy, but adversity is a greater one, if it brings us to Christ.
Anything, anything is better than living in carelessness and dying in sin."
~ from JC Ryle commentary on Matt 15
I did a Bible Study by Kay Arthur on the names of God and she stressed a number of points that are cemented in my mind.
One was an illustration about holding a ring in a clenched fist ~ nothing can get to that ring without going thru the fingers ~ and how that is like God holding us in His fist ~ and NOTHING can touch my life except by His permission and UNLESS it has been filtered thru His fingers of love.
Another point she stressed was the choice I’d make on whether I’d trust my circumstances or God’s character!!
So ~ is WHAT HE SAYS the truth, or is my current circumstance (my breast cancer) what I need to focus on?
BECAUSE I’m a blood-bought believer in Christ’s sacrifice~ I belong to El Elyon ~ GOD MOST HIGH ~ Sovereign Ruler of all the Universe ~ then ALL of my circumstances (including “bad” ones) are meant for my good and God uses them for my benefit and growth. He is aware and involved enough to help me deal with anything that threatens to rock my “comfortable” world.
Isaiah 14: 24
The Lord of hosts has sworn saying, “Surely, just as I have intended so it has happened, and just as I have planned so it will stand...”
And:
Isaiah 46: 9-11
I am God, and there is no one like Me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things which have not been done, saying, “My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure...truly I have spoken; truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it, surely I will do it.”
And:
Psalm 31: 14, 15a, 19
But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hand... How great is Your goodness, which You have stored up for those who fear You, which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You before the sons of men!
This is a poem I heard last year and sent out to my small group as an application for one of our lessons in the book of Hebrews ~
Light Shining Out Of Darkness
by William Cowper
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste
But sweet will be the flower.
Just this past Sunday in church we sang another Gospel Centered song by our own Abe & Liza Phillips. One verse directly spoke beautiful truth into my soul
O Teach My Heart to Love Your
Words by Abe & Liza Phillip
O teach my heart to trust Your Word
When troubles rise and fears are stirred
To walk by faith through gain or loss
And glory only in the Cross I mean ~ that’s just what I’m going through!! Isn’t God awesome to give me daily “food” to answer when troubles rise and fears are stirred ~ His instruction to walk by FAITH through gain or loss!!I don’t have this figured out yet ~ my flesh will fail me over and over again many times throughout the day. Just when I think “I’ve got this peace thing going cause I’m NOT worrying but praying instead ~ etc, etc.” ~ that’s when my heart starts trembling or my stomach lurches or my throat gets dry or my head starts pounding!! And I realize afresh that “I” don’t have any power to do this on my own ~ ONLY ONLY as I lean on Jesus and rely on the power of the Holy Spirit will I be able to walk by faith and not by sight.
These verses form a request I’m praying for myself. From:
Colossians 4:4-6 ... that I will proclaim this message as clearly as I should and that I would live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. That my conversation would be gracious and attractive so that I will have the right response for everyone.
It’s amazing how many people I’ve connected with over the past 3 weeks ~ many dear believing family members and brothers and sisters in Christ ~ but also many unbelieving friends that I’ve called to tell them I have this cancer or that heard about it from someone else. And the Lord has given me a new boldness to share how He’s tenderly, faithfully giving me peace in whatever He brings my way ~ how I can trust that this cancer is a GIFT from Him and it is BEST for me ~ it’s not just ok that I have it. He hasn’t made a mistake or fallen asleep to wake up and find out, “O no, Janet has developed breast cancer while I was busy taking care of important world situations.”
He’s actually purposed this specifically for me at this time and in this place and He has far reaching God-glorifying plans to use it in ways that I can’t even imagine.
I long to respond like Job after he’d heard all the tragic consequences that God had allowed Satan to test him with: he fell to the ground and worshipped, saying “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord,” ~ AND through it all he did not sin nor did he blame God.
And then at the beginning of chapter 40 when God is addressing Job, the Lord said to Job, “Do you still want to argue with the Almighty?
You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers?”
Then Job replied to the Lord, “I am nothing - how could I ever find the answers? I will cover my mouth with my hand.....”
I just love that picture of placing my hand over my mouth ~ what could I possibly have to say in answer to what God ordains is RIGHT for me?
And that thought leads me to the song:
Whatever My God Ordains Is Right
Whatever my God ordains is right,
Holy His will abideth.
I will be still whate’er He does,
And follow where He guideth.
He is my God,
Though dark my road.
He holds me that I shall not fall
Wherefore to Him I leave it all
Whatever my God ordains is right,
He never will deceive me
He leads me by the proper path,
I know He will not leave me
I take, content,
What He hath sent
His hand can turn my griefs away
And patiently I wait His day
Whatever my God ordains is right,
Though now this cup in drinking
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it all unshrinking
My God is true,
Each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart
And pain and sorrow shall depart
Whatever my God ordains is right,
Here shall my stand be taken
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken
My Father’s care
Is round me there
He holds me that I shall not fall
And so to Him I leave it all
All these scripture verses and songs and quotes from precious saints who’ve been refined by fire ~ and many many more that I can’t begin to share here ~ these have all been given to me as a sacred trust over many years. God GAVE them to me to prepare me and He’s allowing me to proclaim His goodness and mercy when the world would view my circumstances as “unfavorable.”
I want to end with 2 quotes from Joni’s message on suffering, She said,
“I know that when I say “yes” to Jesus and “no” to doubts or fear or resentment, it absolutely irritates the devil.”
“your suffering, like nothing else, is preparing you to meet God. For what proof could you bring of your love to heaven if this life left you totally unscarred?”
May He be pleased to use my witness because of this cancer to draw others to His beautiful peace and rest.
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