I love to hear individual stories of how God's mercy triumphs over misery. Rob and Saidy showed up in our lives a year ago. They are an eager, young couple passionate about there faith and service to the Lord. Their journey through affliction has been an encouragement to me as I watch them put their faith, hope and trust in our heavenly Father who has given them a precious gift, salvation, hope and eternity. Continue reading and you will be blessed!
Seeing Suffering as a blessing?
I have been reflecting on the Lord's blessings over Rob's and my marriage over the past year as we approach
our 1 year anniversary. I couldn't help but share my thoughts on a particular
blessing...
"What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
are what it takes to know You’re near
? What if trials
of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"
Those words became so real to me
when I first heard them on the radio. I was driving home from dropping Rob off
at work. Rob wasn't able to drive at the time. His doctor recommended he
didn't. Not for 9 months...our first 9 months of marriage actually. I kept
asking myself, why?
I didn't think this was the way a
marriage was supposed to start, it wasn't the way I had dreamed it to be.
My dreams about marriage didn't
include sleepless nights, tears, constantly crying out to God for healing, for
strength, crying out to him in anger because I couldn't feel him near...that's
not what I had imagined.
It wasn't what I had planned.
God taught me during that, that my
fantasy or dream wasn't the Lord's reality for my life. He instead wanted to
refine my faith, strengthen it, and unite Rob and I right from the start. Rob
and I had a long distance relationship the whole time up until we finally got
married. God's plan was perfect. Mercies in disguise. It was the
"revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t
satisfy"...."BLESSINGS" was the song that kept taking me back to
God's Word during that time. (see lyrics by Laura Story, and song below)
Rob was diagnosed with partial
complex seizures a few months before we were married. These came as a
consequence of having had two long seizures when he was a baby. The seizures
beat a path through his hippocampus, and the seizures found their way back when
Rob went through some intense stress in college. (We didn't come to this
diagnosis easy, we searched high and low for a neurologist that would be able
to diagnose Rob, and it was only by the Lord's leading that we came across the
doctor that we did. I would also like to thank our friend Mert who has MS and
helped steer us in the right direction. It is no coincidence that they are our
friends (check out her blog: Connecting the Dots). The goal
after that was to find medication that would suppress them.
It was such a painful journey for
me, ( I can only begin to imagine how painful it was for Rob). All I could do
while he was having a seizure was hold his hand as his face would turn white
and his lips purple, he wasn't able to talk or know what was going on, and then
he'd sleep. He would need to sleep for about 30 minutes after each seizure. I
would hurt to hear how bad he felt that he couldn't drive, that he couldn't
perform his job as well as he could if he didn't always have these seizures. I
couldn't help him. Only God could. The seizures were unpredictable. Here is a
glimpse into one of my desperate cries to the Lord as I prayed Psalm 17, 18 and
22 one sleepless night:
"Lord you are my rock, my
refuge, my shield. Oh hear my cry! For you are the Doctor, the King of kings. I
trust in you, I trust your sovereignty. Oh Lord hear my cry! Listen to the hurt
in my heart, to my fears and insecurities. I pray you bring healing to Rob.
Help us in finding what's wrong, and help us find a way to stop the seizures.
Hold him in the shadow of your wings. Help us understand these seizures and why
he's having them. Give ear to my prayer oh my God, my almighty Savior! I hurt
inside for my beloved everytime there is one. He wants to provide, he wants to
serve you. I pray you bring healing upon him." (taken from my prayer
journal, August 10 2011).
I wanted so bad to be able to help
him. God taught me the meaning of "pray without ceasing" (1 Thes
5:17) early on in our marriage. To pray for my husband, not just for physical
things, but also for spiritual things. God showed me that I needed to
strengthen my faith, because I doubted His goodness (Psalm 31:19), His love
(Psalm 63:3), and His sovereignty (Dan 4:35). God taught me that I gain nothing
with worrying or being anxious. He taught me this through many sleepless
nights, through many "raindrops", through so many tears, through so
many angry and desperate prayers, through many "mercies in disguise".
And He continues to teach me today in different ways, because I tend to forget.
This was also a time of blessing
for our marriage. Since Rob couldn't drive, I drove him anywhere and
everywhere. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time together. God really used
that time to unite us, being that we had spent most of our courtship and
engagement cross-country.
Praise God, He has controlled Rob's
seizures and has suppressed them with medication for about 6 months now. He is
now driving, yet we go almost everywhere we can together still. We got so used
to that. Yes, I'm thankful Rob's seizures are suppressed, I am also thankful
though for that trial we went through because I can now look back and see
clearly what I learned while going through that. We are so thankful to see God's
goodness, love, and nearness. We still hang on by our prayers. I pray everyday
that Rob won't have a seizure. I pray everyday that God would use my husband
and the testimony He has built into our lives of God's goodness. If I could
start my marriage over again from day one, I wouldn't change a thing. I needed
that. God knew I did. .... And this is how we see this suffering as a true
blessing, a blessing in disguise.
